(In)famous PCC student quotes (updated 1/17)

Almost every day my students make me laugh, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. Here is my highlight reel so far:

It may be cheating... but it is certainly awesome...
For review, 11th grade students were playing a game in which team members must get a teammate to say the phrase on the board without the student looking at it.
The phrase? "Settle down."
One of the clues:
"Seattle, take away the a."
I was so impressed he remembered my hometown (which I had not mentioned in class since the first week) I decided to ignore whether or not this constituted cheating.

Mistletoe Inquiry
For Christmas I was trying to explain mistletoe. If a boy and a girl stand under the mistletoe together, they have to kiss. After a round of squealing, one girl asks:
"Teacher, have you ever..."
I smiled, looked down and shook my finger at her. Everyone laughs.
"Sorry, teacher."

Mistletoe and sexuality. Great.
After I explained that if a boy and a girl stand under the mistletoe at the same time, together, they kiss. One boy raises his hand and asks:
"Teacher, what if it's a boy and a boy under the mistletoe? Or a girl and a girl?"
"Ummm..."

Sexuality continued...
The students were playing a game where one student would read some information about a fake person and their likes or dislikes. Their team then had to offer some hobbies that person would enjoy. Tiffany, a ladyboy, pulled a slip out of my hat that was about a pretend "Tiffany." Perhaps this confused his teammates because when a student began to answer on what "Tiffany" would like she said:
"Well, he is a bisexual, so..."

Thanksgiving is about what?
After class, one of my most advanced students approached me, the week before Thanksgiving.
"Teacher, I know about Thanksgiving. I am a Christian, too."
"Um.. oh, really?"
"Yes, I had a teacher before who taught me about it."
"Oh that's great."
"Yes, she explained that the Americans were so grateful to God that he gave them this new land and so much food that they prayed to Him and thanked Him."
"Um, yeah. And also about turkey and Native Americans."
"Native Americans? You mean Indians?"
"Well, some people call them that, but yes, we prefer to call them Native Americans."
"Oh. What about them?"

"Next class we will work on.... subtlety and stealth."
One day, in a relaxed class (it's an elective class and most of the students were testing, so I just sat and chilled with them for a couple of hours). After a signal from another boy, one of my bolder boys said:
"Teacher, I have two questions."
"Ok, go ahead."
"Teacher, if you had to pick a love song for your boyfriend, what song would you pick?"
I laughed. Everyone is looking at me. I stall.
"Hmmm. That is a good question. I have to think about it. What is your second question?"
"What is your boyfriend's favorite subject in school?"
I laughed, harder. Everyone else chuckles - a game is being played here. How will the farang respond??? After a few minutes of dodging and ducking the question:
"I don't know, I don't have a boyfriend."
"Ohhhhhhh."
Cue knowing smiles.

On a more serious note...racism.
During a lesson introducing "Remember the Titans" I tried to explain racism in America to my students. After explaining that some people don't like people with black skin, a girl, genuinely confused, asked:
"Why?"
I falter.
"I don't know. I don't know."

Lost in Translation
On a homework assignment, describing a movie, a romantic comedy, one student wrote:
"It is apple sauce, but it makes me happy."
?????

"Oh! THAT explains your appearance! We've all been wondering."
One of the more outstanding students in the more advanced class approached me after class with his friend.
"Teacher, I hear you like sticky rice."
Cue laughter from me. Even my eating habits are being noted?
"I hear you like to eat it without other foods. This is very strange for Thai people."
More laughter.
"Do Americans like rice?"
I explained. I told him my family was from Hawaii.
"Oh! That makes sense! We thought maybe you were Asian. A little bit. Your skin is not like the other teacher's, and your hair and eyes are darker."
(Laughing) "Well, actually I'm mostly German."
"Oh I can see that. Your nose looks German."

11th grade persuasive speech topics
"The woman is better than the man."
"Gandhi is my idol."
"Elephants are better than pandas."
"Lady Gaga is the best singer of the century."
"Tan skin is sexier than white skin."
Dragonball-Z (sp?) is the best cartoon (which seemed to be in direct, fierce competition with...)
Doraemon is the best cartoon

Man, I'm a good teacher.
The second week of class, I thought the students in my elective class (which takes place after lunch) looked sleepy.
"You all look so tired! Wake up!"
Giggles and smiles from the students.
"I think you are in a food coma. A food coma is when you eat a lot of food, and you get tired afterwards."
(Ali thinks to herself: what a useless thing to teach. Good job, Kru Alison)
7 weeks later...
"Class, what is wrong? You look sleepy."
Three students reply: "Food coma."
Well, at least something stuck. Food coma, and not the American names they chose for themselves the third week of class.

What's up with the U.S.?
My 10th graders respond to my question, "What do you want to learn about America?" Enjoy:
American bands
Hollywood
Whiskey (har har har, smartass)
Fashion (oh no)
Festivals
Abraham Lincoln
Easter
What is popular in America?
American women (Smartass 2)
Animals
Prom
Education
Cigarettes (Smartass 3)
Facebook
Sports
Hobbies
Obama
Travel
"People - some have white skin, some have black skin."
War
Michael Jackson
University
Superstars

Well, there you have it. A little slice of life here at PCC.

Til next time,
Ali